Hey leader, retire your cape.
Recently, a coaching client, KP*, arrived at our session looking visibly stressed. I greeted them like I normally would, checking in to see how they were feeling that day. KP responded that they were feeling really frustrated with their lack of impact and wanted to do more. “That’s what I’d like to focus my attention on today–how I can be more productive at work. Our work is so necessary right now, and I’m not doing enough!”
KP sharing this didn’t surprise me; I’d been having similar conversations with other coaching clients, most of whom are leaders in the nonprofit social justice field or movement work. Over and over again, I had been hearing about how exhausted they were and how guilty they felt that they weren't performing up to their own standards. Like KP, the sentiment they all expressed is "I should be doing more!”
I responded to KP the way I had been responding to other clients who were sharing the same thing: I pointed out that as women, as immigrants, as people of color, as disabled, and LGBTQIA+ folks, their communities are under literal attack right now from a right-wing Administration that wants to disenfranchise, expel, and erase the people in those communities. Feeling that pain, heaviness, and stress is going to affect them (understandably so!). Instead, we need to think about what’s radically doable at this moment, not focus on what isn’t happening but what can and is creating shifts.
In response, I've mostly been met with some level of incredulousness. KP was the same. They sighed, and said “But it’s my responsibility to do as much as I can. I need to do more.”
Leaders, I implore you, please don't do this to yourselves; expecting to be super human–almost robotic–is another form of dehumanization. It says that you can't be vulnerable, that you can never rest, that you must know everything, that you must always, always be available to solve problems and there is nothing remotely human about that. Being human is a spectrum of traits, one that we can embrace with its ups and downs, learning to care for ourselves when the moment demands it, and learning to push ourselves when we know we need to and can.
As a certified coach, it’s my role to support you in seeing that there’s a better way to show up as a leader. For the past six years, I have used my years of leadership and coaching experience to support clients in developing their strategic abilities to create bold visions and lofty goals. We’ve focused on discovering and naming deeply held values, finding the desire and motivation for alignment versus focusing on the “shoulds” or others’ expectations. And, we never lose sight of what it means to do this alongside honoring our capacity, our energies, and our needs; creating healing in a space where oftentimes the work and progress are seemingly the only things that matter.
Strategy. Values. Healing. It’s all a part of the equation of being a leader that is human.
Embracing our own and others' humanity is what drives so much of the work of social justice; recognizing that, in the end, we all want to love, be respected, treated with dignity, and live securely and safely. Denying yourself of this is a path to burnout.
Social justice and movement work doesn’t need martyrs or superheroes; it needs people who recognize when they can excel and achieve, and when they need to step back, regroup, and focus on what is actually possible in the moment.
If you’re struggling to retire your cape, creating intentional space to name your values, your goals, your offerings, and your needs is necessary for reminding yourself of what’s actually possible and what you need to let go. And, if you want an accountability partner who can also support you, offer guidance, and challenge you to think about things differently, let’s talk.
*Names and some details changed to protect client confidentiality.
